Positively Phoebe

When the nurse at that survivorship class I went to earlier this month first mentioned neuropathy to me, I was a little terrified.  The only experience I have with this word, and the disorder it defines, is my older brother who has it.  He is in all kinds of pain a lot of the time - so much so that he is permanently on disability.  I was scared that this was what was going to happen to me.  Since I needed to be an over-achiever and get basically EVERY horrid during-treatment side effect, I figured that I was probably doomed to deal with ALL of the possible POST-treatment ones as well.  Luckily, the neuropathy I was possibly going to experience was more of a tingly, pins-and-needles sort of a thing in my various digits and extremities rather than an all-over debilitating pain situation.  For the past several weeks, I noticed an occasional and minor numbness in my toes.  Not all the time and nothing severe at all. And then today that all chan...

Remember that post about my last follow-up appointment?  You know.  The one where the doctor was all jazzed about my "beautiful cervix"?  Remember how awesome that was? Well... there is something that happened at that visit that I did NOT tell you about.  Something not just less awesome, but less THAN awesome.  Something I was hoping to avoid, but apparently cannot. The dreaded vaginal dilator. Yep.  My incredible shrinking vagina needs assistance.  Ugh.  And because both Ryan and I are so tweaked out about everything being all askew up in there, the whole "have sex at least three times a week to keep everything working" thing is totally not happening.  In all honesty, we've managed to "have relations" (as the nurse called it) exactly once - on that night at Mohican.  Where it hurt me and terrified us both and seems to have dried up (no pun intended) any desire either of us may have had to get it on. So yeah.  When...

I got an email from my mum yesterday that simply asked if I realized that there have been over a thousand hits on this blog since my last update - which was a week ago!  My response to this is, "Ack!"  I had not realized I was slacking so much over here!  My apologies!! I guess in a way I'd started to feel like I need to live up to saying things that ARE inspiring and awesome... and there are days when I think that that is just too tall an order for me to fill.  But even as I sit here now thinking about that, it's ridiculous.  I don't "need" to come off a certain way here.  This whole blog became what it is because I was willing to be open and honest about every little thing, good and bad, that was going on through my treatment both mentally and physically.  And the only person putting pressure on me to be this magically inspirational fountain of positivity is ME!  How ridiculous I can be!!! So, here's the thing.  I promise RIGHT NOW to g...

I have been meaning to do a post here about some of the amazing words others have shared with me during my cancer journey and just have not gotten around to it until now.  It helps that yesterday, I spent a great deal of time sorting through the piles of cards I received and re-reading things that often brought me to tears a second time.  Some are simple.  Some are more involved.  But they are all eloquent, in their ways, and beautiful.  And every sentiment I received meant a lot to me.  These are just a few that stuck out.  Hopefully, those whose words I am about to share with you will not mind my doing so... "Look for the positive in all of this... believe it or not you will find it." -M.P.G. "My mom was a 33 year old breast cancer survivor.  She understood what you now understand about strength, fighting, fear, tears and renewed life.  She was my heroine.  I know you will be a heroine for someone." -S.J. "I find it ...

So, let me tell you WHY I received this photo from knitting dad today: That's my mum. That's two glasses of champagne. And I received this at around noon their time. So why were my parents, who barely drink at all, swigging champagne for lunch today? Because of the news I got at today's follow-up appointment with my brachytherapy oncologist, Dr. Fleming. As I laid on the exam table, feet in the stirrups, he looked in there and announced "What a beautiful cervix." The nurse nodded in agreement. It was such an odd exchange, it took me a minute to register what they were saying... See, when Ryan booked this appointment for me last month (on the day of my final brachy) he asked them if they would be able to tell by today if the tumor was gone. And the answer was NO - that what they would see would be a necrotic, dying, sloughing away tumor. So really, we went in there today with no real expectations. So, when I finally wrapped my head around...

So, it's Valentine's Day today.  When I woke up this morning, there was a lot of poo-pooing of this particular holiday on the facebook.  And if you missed my response status this morning, I will share it again... I couldn't really come up with better words to say that again, and rather than try to paraphrase myself, I figured just reposting it here made more sense.  And it's true.  I LOVE hearts.  I enjoy Valentine's Day if for no other reason than there are big red hearts everywhere you go.  And I love LOVE.  Not just in my own life, but really in everyone's - I get so excited when the people I care about find love and happiness of their own!  I think it is just the best.  I had a conversation with my friend Mallorie recently about how the trend these days seems to be to bash Valentine's Day and romance and all that.  The conversation came up because a good friend of mine runs an awesome little gallery and they were doing t...

First of all - I forgot to tell you.  I found my original posi+ivi+y bracelet that my friend Kristin sent me.  It was in the laundry that I did this weekend.  YAY!  I am now wearing it again, plus the GR ATTITUDES one the Alexa's Angels ladies sent me, plus the red posi+ivi+y bracelet that I bought for myself when I thought the original one was gone.  A little extra PMA never hurts, right? Secondly, I just have to share that I had a really nice weekend.  I did a bunch of thrifting, which was not only fun but somewhat necessary as I am now swimming in a lot of my clothing.  New (used) duds are a great mood lifter.  And cheap!  I had nice phone chats with both tattoo-dad and mum.  I got to hang out with my bro, Steve Brown and his lovely wife, Jenni, on Sunday.  An amazing pair, these two, and always hilarious.  Laughter really is excellent medicine!  Amid all of that, I also managed to do a bunch of laundry, wo...