Positively Phoebe

Stress. It used to be annoying.  Now?  It's fucking terrifying. In the past, when life was "normal," stress was just aggravating.  Annoying.  Stressful.  Now, in a world where fear of recurrence tortures my brain at least 100 times a day, stress is a goddamned nightmare. At the moment, I have stressors coming out my assssss:  Ryan being on tour is stressful for me.  And the stress and upset it causes him ALSO stresses me out further.  Dealing with three dogs on my own when I am gone 11+ hours a day is stressful.  Worrying about my father's ongoing health issues is stressful.  Figuring out budgets and how to survive financially is stressful.  Sorting out how to manage what little free time I have is stressful.  Only HAVING a little free time is stressful.  Certain aspects of my new job are extremely stressful (although, overall it is surprisingly less stressful than my old job).  Worrying about things my friends...

I had desperately hoped that this anniversary... this CANCERVERSARY... would be an awesome time of gratitude and reflection and celebration. Starting with today, the anniversary of my biopsy, my MRI and CAT Scan and my night at Fairview Hospital with my husband and father. Instead, it has turned into a horrible time of stress and sadness. Of panic and upset and anger. We still have no power. The stupid motherfucking piece of shit generator that Ryan has been miserably fixing, refixing, being kept awake night after night to fix, refix, and pour gas (read: money) into has turned into the worst possible thing that could have happened to us through this storm. It's brought more anger and stress than the comfort it may have otherwise given in the form of heat and unspoiled food. And it's basically because I cannot deal with having to watch Ryan be stressed out. And ever since last Friday, when we had a non-hurricane-related flood which destroyed the majority of Ryan's recordin...