Positively Phoebe

This one deserves it's own post.  I have never felt the way I felt looking at Michelangelo's Pieta before.  It was just incredible...  I wish it wasn't behind glass.  I would SO have touched it!

Today, we had our pre-booked bus tour of Tuscany. We boarded our bus at 8:30 this morning in Florence and our driver, Fabio (!!!) zoomed us straight to Siena, while our tour guide, Agata, told us some junk about the area. When we got there, we met a local tour guide named Donatella, who was a real bitch. She led us around Siena a bit and the we got about a half an hour to explore on our own before meeting back up with the group. I took this opportunity to get a gelato, even though it was like 11 in the morning. From Siena, we continued on to Fattoria Poggio Alloro - an organic farm and vineyard just outside San Gimignano. They showed us through the wine house and then through the barn where I took the opportunity to touch a cow. An organic one. As I was scratching its chin and it licked my wrist with its BLUE TONGUE, I felt sort of sad that it would end up being a delicious organic steak someday. Covered with cow spit, we then headed up to this gorgeous veranda for lunch and ...

I got an email from my mum yesterday that simply asked if I realized that there have been over a thousand hits on this blog since my last update - which was a week ago!  My response to this is, "Ack!"  I had not realized I was slacking so much over here!  My apologies!! I guess in a way I'd started to feel like I need to live up to saying things that ARE inspiring and awesome... and there are days when I think that that is just too tall an order for me to fill.  But even as I sit here now thinking about that, it's ridiculous.  I don't "need" to come off a certain way here.  This whole blog became what it is because I was willing to be open and honest about every little thing, good and bad, that was going on through my treatment both mentally and physically.  And the only person putting pressure on me to be this magically inspirational fountain of positivity is ME!  How ridiculous I can be!!! So, here's the thing.  I promise RIGHT NOW to g...

I have been meaning to do a post here about some of the amazing words others have shared with me during my cancer journey and just have not gotten around to it until now.  It helps that yesterday, I spent a great deal of time sorting through the piles of cards I received and re-reading things that often brought me to tears a second time.  Some are simple.  Some are more involved.  But they are all eloquent, in their ways, and beautiful.  And every sentiment I received meant a lot to me.  These are just a few that stuck out.  Hopefully, those whose words I am about to share with you will not mind my doing so... "Look for the positive in all of this... believe it or not you will find it." -M.P.G. "My mom was a 33 year old breast cancer survivor.  She understood what you now understand about strength, fighting, fear, tears and renewed life.  She was my heroine.  I know you will be a heroine for someone." -S.J. "I find it ...

Remember when I posted a couple days ago about the message I received from the woman from Alexa's Angels ?  And how they wanted to send me something? Well, I got it!  A lovely package with some posi+ivi+y bracelets and a great bracelet I hadn't seen before that says "GRATITUDES" on 10 separate beads.  The little card this bracelet came on says "Gratitude is the memory of the heart. Use each bead to count 10 things you are grateful for everyday!"  As I just started my little gratitude journal, I think this is a perfectly timed gift! The best part of the package wasn't really any of the goodies themselves, but the card they sent along with them.  I was so touched and couldn't not share the lovely note with you all... Next time I am in Colorado visiting my parents, I am going to have to go find their offices and hug these great ladies!   And then the outside of the card asked a simple question: I am so...

This morning I had my follow-up appointment with my second doctor, Dr. Mastroianni.  Radiation Oncology at Moll Pavilion is where I went every day for 5 weeks, so despite the fact that what I went through as a result of those visits was tantamount to torture... it was really nice to see some of the techs and nurses who made that whole process a lot easier on me.  (More on that in a minute...) Basically, this appointment went well.  Most of the noticeable negative side effects have gone on their way - my skin is looking and feeling almost normal (but smoother and softer - hidden plus), my miserable bowels seem to be getting back to normal, etc. etc.  The go-ahead to go back to work tomorrow was given, with the reminder that I will likely not be able to do as much as I was used to doing right away - and with the advice that that is OK!  Awesome nurse Jen said, "If you can only work 4 hours, then only work 4 hours."  One thing I have learned through all...

It's getting harder and harder to keep up to date over here.  But I promise not to give up.  Just might need a little extra time in between posts from here on out, and when they come, they will probably be LONGER.  Bear with me.  :) Now, let's rewind to Thursday... I started out the morning talking about how tired I have become.  And then I headed off to work.  Where I had a panic attack over the fact that there was a client up in the gallery sniffling and coughing.  See, I totally cannot get sick right now.  Not only would that end up delaying my treatments, but because my white blood cell count is so low, the flu at this point could literally kill me.  That's more than a little scary, no?  In the midst of worrying about that, I sort of realized that this whole putting on a brave face and working through this whole thing is just not in the cards for me, no matter how much I had hoped it would be. That afternoon, after my radiation...

Thanksgiving morning, my friend Jen posted on facebook that she thinks people should be thankful for all they have every day and not just one day out of the year.  Little lady, I could not agree more. This Thanksgiving was strange to say the least.  I mean, can you really be thankful when the biggest thing you got this year was cancer?  Well honestly - the answer to that is HELL YES! And don't get me wrong.  I am never going to be one of those "cancer as a gift" people.  F*ck that.  This is NOT a gift.  I would NOT buy it for you for your birthday and wrap it up in pretty paper with hand curled ribbons.  It's shitty and it sucks.  But I AM someone who truly believes that the slap of reality this disease has given me HAS been an incredibly positive thing. I am SO loved.  I am SO supported.  I am SO strong.  I am SO brave.  I am SO inspired.  I am SO grateful.  I am SO humbled.  I am SO amazed....

Can I just say that my husband is amazing? Well, he is. Completely. Taking a walk somewhere every morning is something we've talked about doing for years. Stupid that cancer had to be the reason we finally got off our fat butts and started doing it, but I'm happy that we are. Yesterday morning, he took me to Whiskey Island / Wendy Park. It was cold and sunny and beautiful and the sound of the water slooshing up on the shore is so comforting to me. We wandered over the the river, Ryan rambling the entire history of the park to me - there is nothing this man does not know. There were two red tugboats scooting down the Cuyahoga - man, those things are adorable! Something so quaint and old-timey about them, and yet they are SO STRONG. A little bit of inspiration to add to my pile. I then went to work and worked what will be a "full day" for me until treatments are done: 9-2:45. It felt good to get back to doing something that just feels "normal...