Positively Phoebe

**This post was transferred from the now defunct "The Long Ease" blog.** I decided I'm going to make the weekend a separate post rather than rolling the weekend highlights into today's treatment post.  It'll be easier that way... So.  Friday evening, my dear old friend, Dawn, from my Colorado days, arrived for a visit.  She was amazing enough to offer to stay through Tuesday morning so that she could house/dog-sit for us while we were in New Jersey Sunday to Monday.  Only a true friend would come for a visit from thousands of miles away and hang out while you leave - just to help you out.  Dawn is pretty spectacular.  I'm glad we at least got to hang out on Friday night and all day Saturday. Sunday morning (Ryan's birthday) we threw a bag in the car and headed east.  My beautiful cousin, Marna, passed away last week and Ryan understood my feeling the need to attend the service.  As a child, Marna and her sister, Karla, were the first people ...

This past Wednesday, I decided that the best way to spend my day was to use some more of my vacation time to go and be with Lacey and Spencer as they went for Spencer's blood tests and doctor visits.  I didn't want her to be alone after the way things seemed to be going.  (i.e. Bad numbers going up and good numbers going down and an official leukemia diagnosis getting closer and closer.) Turned out, I was glad I went.  Not because Spencer puked on me and made my hand smell like a rotten hot sweet potato for a while.  But because at the end, as the doctors were wrapping it up, I pushed Lacey to ask the questions she had been wanting to ask about how the chemo treatments would go if/when they decided that was the way to go.  She had told me she had what she deemed "stupid" questions about things like jammies and time frames and all of that.  Well, I knew from my own experience that NO questions you might have are stupid and that the more you know, the easie...

I spent last Thanksgiving trying not to puke my chemotherapied guts out down at Ryan's family's house in Mansfield.  I took my very first anti-nausea pill and my very first anxiety pill.  I nibbled crackers and drank ginger ale or sprite or something and hoped I wasn't ruining anyone's holiday.  I worried about how bad Ryan felt that he had decided to drive us down there in his '71 Challenger - not the smoothest, cleanest smelling ride on the planet - and that I had ended up getting sick because of it. And I had cancer. This Thanksgiving I am at home.  I am in remission.  I feel healthier and happier than I can ever remember being.  I am closer to my husband, my family and my friends.  I am filled with wonder and gratitude every single day of my life, now. This Thanksgiving, I am grateful for cancer.  I hate it, but I am thankful for all of the things it brought me.  All of the positive things it gave me.  All of the impo...

We spread the message literally from Ohio to Japan and back.  The requests for prayers, positive thoughts, PMA, healing vibes, good juju... all of it.  All for little Spencer. And today, as I stood in Target and heard Lacey's text noise... my heart was in my friggin throat as I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked to see the words: "NO LEUKEMIA!!!" And then I bawled.  And then I called my mum and told her.  And then I sat in traffic for an hour trying to get to Spencer's baby brother, Sullivan's, baptism.  I have never been so happy to hug my "wife" Lacey or her hubby, Todd. It was a wonderful day and I have no doubt in my mind that everyone's positive thoughts and prayers helped. Thank you.  Thank you all.  And if you want to follow Lacey, Spencer, Sullivan and Todd's adventures, too, you can find them here: http://frombettietobetty.blogspot.com/ I am so happy.  I spent a good 10 minutes snuggling with my dude, Spencer, b...

I have this friend.  He might be the cutest guy I have ever seen (no offense to my beautiful husband...)  He's got big, sparkling blue-gray eyes and wears those glasses with the black plastic frames that all the cute boys wear.  He's got naturally gingery auburn hair that every other woman I know has attempted (and failed) to achieve with overpriced salon visits at least once in her life.  His smile could make the coldest, most hateful heart melt.  He's got a great wardrobe - always looks well put together.  He's got a penchant for stripes, plaid, skulls and robots and he looks great in a hat.  His hugs are the kind of hugs you wish all guys would give - genuine, full of love, and just a little bit needy.  And he has the kind of family every girl wishes could be HER family, too. I could go on and on about this guy.  About what a gem he is.  About how he won me over the moment I met him.  About what a lover and a goof and a party a...

I've been a trendsetter as long as I can remember.  Always a little ahead of the game in music, fashion, whathaveyou.  That sounds self-important, but it's not.  It's just who I was. But seriously, people?  I was not trying to be cool by getting cancer.  So all of you... STOP IT!!! ... Yeah.  I know I'm trying to be silly here.  But the fact of the matter is, it seems like cancer is just everywhere all of a sudden.  I keep reiterating that I can't tell if I'm just hyper-sensitive to it now that it happened to me or if it really is suddenly everywhere.  But I think it's just getting more fucking common.  And that is some scary shit. We lost Brother Ed.  Ryan's friend P.J. is in hospice right now.  And we just learned that today, our good friend Big Jay is having surgery to see how badly his cancer has spread. It breaks my heart.  Big Jay. Please.  I've asked this before regarding myself and others and I'll ...

So I last left off with the end of the Cancer Retreat. Which I enjoyed, in case you weren't paying attention. Moving on. The Monday after the retreat, I met my beloved Lacey and her husband, Todd, at Fairview Hospital at Oh-Dark-Thirty in the morning to hold her hand until they booted me out as she went in for the scheduled c-section for her second (and final) baby boy.  I had not been inside Fairview Hospital since the day I left there with the fresh news of my cancer diagnosis.  It was a little creepy being back there, I have to admit. After several hours of waiting around with Lacey's awesome parents, I got to meet Sullivan Richard Skywalker Gansert.  He is thankfully adorable.  I say thankfully because I have promised Lacey to be straight with her and let her know if her children are ugly... but THANKFULLY both baby #1, Spencer (love of my life) and fresh Mr. Sully... both are super cutie cutes!  Whew!!!  I even held that fresh little pot roast on...