Positively Phoebe

Having gone through the whole cancer thing makes even the slightest whisper of the word in the lives of those around you terrifying.  Brings up the fears and anxieties of those early days and makes you wish that that person was not having to go through that horrible shit that you went through. Unfortunately, every day, people still go through cancer diagnoses and the fears and anxieties that go along with the waiting, wondering and hoping until they get the inevitable bad news or all clear.  And it's impossible to think that just because I went through it, I should be spared the worry when it comes to those I care about and those they care about and so on.  In fact, I hope that if and/or when that happens, my experiences might be somehow helpful for those around me going through what they are going through.  What I went through. More than a couple people I know (or know of through someone I am close with) are going through the cancer/potential cancer business rig...

So, I just watched the movie 50/50 .  After reading Scott's blog post in which he talked about watching it at the 2012 Stupid Cancer Summit, I kinda felt like I had to... I remember seeing the trailer last year, but I was definitely not prepared to see the movie until, well, until now.  Watching it, I definitely see that despite my openness and willingness to share everything I was going through... I still honestly spent the majority of my time (both while sick prior to diagnosis and during treatment after diagnosis) being as detached as possible from what was happening to me, mentally/emotionally speaking. Maybe that's why really believing the GOOD news has been so hard.  I never felt like it was real or like it was happening to me.  And now it's over and I am so completely changed, and yet... I'm not sure how that happened because I have no idea WHAT happened. I have hardly looked back over my old posts as time has gone on through this.  Maybe...